I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
