Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
