Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
