Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
