i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
