my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
