White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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