Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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