my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
