Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
