well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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