Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
