Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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