If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
