I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
