How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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