yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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