I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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