i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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