farters have to be the big spoon...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
