Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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