The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm bleeding and have questions
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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