Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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