watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize