I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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