Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bring me that man meat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
