she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
