I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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