You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
