would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
