How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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