Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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