Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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