Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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