he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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