By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize