Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
