We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
