Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
