Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
