She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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