Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
