i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
