when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
