I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
