Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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