UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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