I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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