I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
