no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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