I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize