Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
