It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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