oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
