haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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