The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize