He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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