The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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