you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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