Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
