the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
