it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
being pregnant is like rehab
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
