i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
