i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
