Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At least life still wants to fuck me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
