My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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