I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
