my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
