How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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