i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
