i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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