He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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