My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
