20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
