seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
