You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
