My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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