Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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