Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
