And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I need moral support for this bender
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
