I wish I could teleport
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
