I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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