I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
